Snakes in a Church
People might well wonder: if I have such problems with the hierarchical Church, why do I continue to be a priest, even in a Catholic Church free of the pope?
It’s a good question, and there are no easy answers. This week, I’ll have been a priest for fifteen years, not that it’s resembled any sort of a traditional ministry. Dealing with my own abuse issues and trying to help others with theirs has not left much scope for that, though I’ve performed the entire range of sacramental services.
And the abuse issues have always been a factor, even before I was aware of them. The day of my ordination, a friend asked, “Do I have to call you “father” now?” My unconsidered reply: “Please don’t, because when I hear that word, I look around to see who’s sneaking up on me.”
Talk about clueless, indeed; but I think my answer indicates the real reason. To face my memories, I had to have the same powers as I felt my perpetrator had. The playing field had to be leveled.
For what I knew, as unconsciously as it was a deeply-held truth, is that magic works. Reality — even if largely only in the realm of perception — can be shaped by desire and will. “The mind is the builder” as old Edgar Cayce said; and the mind can reach and influence other minds, not necessarily just those encased in sheaths of flesh.
There are tools that can help this happen: around the world, in all cultures, ritual is a primary means of concentrating and directing psychic energy. Properly done, it can tap wellsprings of spirit long-hallowed to increase and enhance life, or it can be used to ruin and enslave.
Magic. Black or white, all the same. The sacraments are white magic of the highest order; what do you think raping children in church is?
When I first disclosed to my bishop that there were satanists among the clergy in the church in which I had been brought up, he wisely and calmly said, “Of course. Where else would they hide?”
And so I endure as a priest. Not so that I presume to fight them at their own game — I’m certainly neither superhero nor saint, nor do I have any ambitions along the exorcist line.
But, it is a nice act of defiance to occasionally wear the collar. 
I do so because I believe that even though the secret teachings may be long lost, Christ left a heritage of spiritual power to those who believe in him. While this grace may be available to all, if there’s a chance that ritual can access this healing and protective energy, I’ll thank God and use it like I would an axe against a serpent.
Yes, there are snakes in the Church. But the power of Christ defeats even the Dragon.